2nd example _ But you can also be of the character to inflict the silent treatment on your aunt to BOTH be punitive and for your self-protection. It can not be fixed by the person whom the silent treatment is aimed at. Half of my family have been given the silent treatment for 6 years without explanation. Also if you really are a health pro, what is your name, so I can know who not to see for health issues. And so an overarching 'course of action' does not exist. YES, THIS ARTICLE TRIES TOO HARD TO MAKE DISTINCTIONS. It is the act of ceasing to initiate or respond to communication with someone … Subscribe to This Blog. My Long Distance Boyfriend Gives Me The "silent Treatment" And ... Jun 21, 2014 Silent treatment is the refusal to communicate verbally and electronically with someone who is willing to communicate. Memory Catcher. Good luck. Sep 2, 2015 - It's no secret that long-distance relationships take a lot of work. Further still, poor coping skills in the face of a counter … And this author does not have the qualifications to just reinvent the terms. Family Estrangement: Aberration or Common Occurrence? When has two wrongs every made a right? This article is blatantly INACCURATE and IRRESPONSIBLE and attempts to redefine what the silent treatment is in order to serve this definition of "estrangement." Following my estranged brother's death four months ago, my adult nieces came back into my life--he wouldn't let me see them when they were teens. Nice article. The impact that narcissism has had on your life is hard. How Does One Disagree To What One Also Admits To Not Understand? … Hot Topics Today. The silent treatment feels like a game: I run away, you follow, or, I won't talk, you try to make me. I'm completely at a loss. But why try to draw distinct lines in the sands of shifting tides? It may sometimes be a necessary component of self-protection, even at the level of the silent treatment used to force change. The author would be better informed to write an article about "Is the reason you are receiving the silent treatment because the person has detached from you?" I believe that the silent treatment is more nuanced than "The silent treatment plainly is about not having conversations when someone is reaching out to you.". Or you want to postpone discussing it for when the you feel more courageous. They are not mutually exclusive. The pain of the experience may be intense, but it’s short-lived. He knows why I cut off, something he never offered me. The Silent Treatment In silence, you can come back to center. The two go maybe back and forth in a DISCUSSION... there is still detachment but not the silent treatment. Such behavior can morph into long-term estrangement before you realize what’s happening. The silent treatment is the most common pattern of conflict in marriage or any committed, established romantic relationship. The silent treatment is not always motivated by an intent to harm another person or punish their behavior, said study author Kristin Sommer, Ph.D, an associate professor of psychology at … I agree to a large extent. The silent treatment, sometimes called "the cold shoulder," is the purposeful exclusion of one party from social interactions. Why are so many people drawn to conspiracy theories in times of crisis? The chaplain knew those two from before I came… He never took time to get to know me, and … This is BASIC. We see it in all types of relationship: couples, friends, parents and children, relatives, etc. Being silent … 7 Things You Should Never Tolerate In A Long-Distance Relationship Such people may unfortunately find themselves rejected over and over again. I know there is a difference between the silent treatment and estrangement, but I don't think the author knows that difference. This article tries to FORCE differences/distinction where they really don't necessarily exist and create parameters for the silent treatment definition where there are no parameters before. Really? If someone hurts you and you tell them that what they've done hurts you and why it hurts you and they hurt you again, then would you attempt to communicate with them better? The silent treatment is a passive aggressive form of emotional abuse and is commonly used as a weapon by divorcing couples. Cutting someone off because they won't or can't change is not any kinder than cutting someone off until they change. In the case of family estrangement, painful interpersonal dynamics can reach a breaking point at which one person says, “I can’t do this anymore.” They may not say it out loud. It's also an assertion of dominance and control. That's the worst - they do nothing, say nothing that to explain themselves and reassure you that they care. So, for example here, this article is wrong. How to notice the signals and how to get help. Opening Communication Stay calm. Wrong. TWEET. The silent treatment is an abuse tactic employed by psychologically ill people, PERIOD and should be called out as such, not sugar coated in some warped bizarroland gaslighting mumbo jumbo. They might want to call it estrangement, but many who give the silent treatment will never discuss the issues that lead to silence. I discovered i was expecting which wasn't planned and he withdrew . FROM THOUGHTCATALOG The silent treatment is a form of psychological abuse and as such it causes symptoms like … It’s done on purpose, and its purpose is to send the message, “I don’t like what you did.”. It has been over a year since we have had a proper conversation. Some people use the silent treatment as a form of intimidation and control. My ex used the silent treatment on me to manipulate me, which is basically what the author says. Both the silent treatment and estrangement can leave rejectees feeling powerless and resentful. The main point is that there are many more scenarios than the multiple you named. What Really Goes on in the Mind of a Cheater? Your case is only an EXAMPLE not a overarching DEFINITIVE. I'm a woman by the way and silent treatment/estrangement has it's place in society. The simple psychology behind the silent treatment is to ridicule the opposing person by making them feel invisible, insignificant, and neglected. If people keep getting shut out, then they will eventually gain the awareness of why. Someone just starts doing it and you don't even know what you did to offend them. Let’s face it: There are people in the world who are very difficult for anyone to get along with. I had a long distance relationship -Jun 20, 2012. There are complex scenarios of the silent treatment occurring whereby for example it is alone an intentional way to control someone, as in narcissism. I was the victim of a week long silent treatment by a family member which was very deliberate and very hostile. The estrangement is for my protection from this kind of abuse and both the silent treatment and resulting estrangement feel like what is described in this article. So, I chose estrangement. If the detached person instead says, "I really would rather be to myself. FROM REDDIT The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising – literally. If we’re estranged, it’s a sign that one (or both) of us has given up on the other, at least for the time being. I do agree that silent treatments can occur from a distance, though. The silent treatment can be used as an abusive tactic that is the adult narcissist’s version of a child’s “holding my breath until you give in and give me what I want.” Things are going well with one of them, but the other niece goes from hot to cold. Previous research has … Silent treatment: “Devon’s in the doghouse. ST occurs all the time in long distance 'remote' relationships. And it is epidemic. Their actions are no longer your problem once you've done everything in your power to try to resolve the issue. Get a Single Email For New Entries: Or via RSS Feed. "Better communication skills will eradicate a large portion of needless emotional cut-off and a source of deep pain for many.". I was often ostracized, ignored, given silent treatment, stabbed with subtle insults, some being blunt and obvious. Im emotionally drained. As is your case. ... person you love on a daily basis, so you shouldn't tolerate prolonged silence. And not all those who use the silent treatment, choose estrangement as a coping mechanism, or resort to control by ostracism learned it at home or from their parents. " Now let’s look at what happens when you face the silent treatment in your home life. Sudden Silent Treatment Feb 9, 2014 Your version of silent treatment kinda sounds like "ghosting:" Where some one text messages, emails, or reaches out to some one on Facebook, but they completely ignore the other person's texts. That is another concern for continuing this article as it does not delve deep at all into the complexities and oversimplifies a complex issue. They may just leave. Also referred to as giving the cold shoulder or stonewalling, its use is a … Silent treatment can happen because the person is muted and lost for words, traumatized for example. We will remain estranged until we are nothing but dusty memories because I can't take the silent treatment anymore. Detachment may be a reason; but if that detached person is giving the silent treatment...guess what? I think this is due to some personality disorder she has. She'll shift from being totally into me, constantly telling me how much she loves and appreciates me, and then she'll suddenly be cold and uncommunicative. Excellent attitude. Any self respecting person would stop themselves from being hurt. They've clearly made themselves unapproachable with their arrogance and argumentative antisocial behavior. This article really helped me to sort out what was happening in my recently ended relationship. In contrast, we've seen that the purpose of estrangement is self-protection — and that purpose is ongoing as long as the target appears not to want to change the offending behavior. The silent treatment is not necessarily punitive, either. How I Controlled Communication With My Narcissistic Mother, 10 Words or Phrases That Convey Intelligence and Nuance, Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC, What to Do About Vaccine Hesitancy During COVID-19, New Findings Reveal Benefits of Ketamine for Depression, Ketamine Combats Depression via Unique Molecular Mechanisms, The Strongest Predictors of Sexual Desire. In my case I often go cold turkey on someone when they aren't very nice to me so I distance myself politely away from them so that I can sort out my feelings without being mean myself. In my opinion, people who dole out the silent treatment are passive aggressive and possess very poor communicaitons skills. REMOTE Silent Treatment is a Real Thing! But it's still the silent treatment, and it's still punishment regardless of whether or not it contains a hope for the other person to change, or the conclusion that they will never change. That just adds drama to the situation. Why are so many people drawn to conspiracy theories in times of crisis? My ex boyfriend used to ignore texts, calls and messaging when he gave the silent treatment. Trying to restrict/confuse the concept of 'silent treatment' is dangerous. But Your Attitude is Excellent. Every treatment has a goal, and the aim of the silent treatment is to shame, punish, or warn someone who has crossed a line. The excuse/reason of self-protection may make estrangement seem more palatable than the silent treatment. Call a friend. The silent treatment is an inherently optimistic tactic: If I stop talking to you because of something you did, I’m sending you a message that I hope for better behavior in the future. No. Yesterday, I tried ... After reading another similar long distance relationship story When your narcissist decides to give you the silent treatment or stonewall you stop making any efforts to communicate with that person; instead, do something for yourself. We should teach this disposition. As stated elsewhere, this is an irresponsible article. The silent treatment CAN be remote; that's the most heinous comparison - if you're remote then you can't receive the silent treatment? Cutting people off or giving the silent treatment for an extended time in my opinion is a cop out. No. Cutting someone off because they won't or can't change is not any kinder than cutting someone off until they change.". Otherwise, I'm with you and agree that closing that interaction/relationship is paramount. Posted Oct 25, 2011 There’s the conviction that “this will be over one day,” making it psychologically manageable, albeit very unpleasant. World of Psychology Blog; Find Help. Definitely the silent treatment can be used as a form of control to force others to behave the way that the person wants them to. The silent treatment is something that most people know about if, for no other reason, it comes up on the playground and in sitcoms repeatedly. No, obviously this histrionic personality cannot take responsibility for her actions and therefore will continue to to treat you and your friends poorly due to their egocentric mindset and immature attitude. Will not to get into the weeds on this issue. I am now estranged from he and his wife who is my aunt. The silent treatment plainly is about not having conversations when someone is reaching out to you. The best predictor of divorce isn’t whether a couple fights – arguments are inevitable – but how a couple fights. My brother had BPD, and she might as well. Coparenting With an Ex: Battleground vs. Common Ground. I raised our daughter by myself for 18 years (really her whole life). The silent treatment is characterized by a group of behaviors with the objective of ignoring the other. Many people cut off their partners emotionally to hurt, punish, or manipulate them. But it's still an unresolved dysfunction of relationship. This has caused me a lot of stress." I'm always ready to talk, but the silent treatment is a game with control as the prize. It may range from just sulking to malevolent abusive controlling behaviour.It may be a … The silent treatment isn't just a passive aggressive way for someone... to signal that they're annoyed. If someone falsely accuses your friend of rape and molestation, slanders their name and then "takes back" what they said because it was "that time of the month", would you even attempt to amend your relationship with that person? THIS ARTICLE IS IRRESPONSIBLE. In general, the silent treatment is a sign of abusive control or punishment, as explained in Psych Central. Oct 13, 2013 - My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for nearly three years. This is a virtual world with relationships remote. My husband has been giving me silent treatment for over a year . In time, estrangement may eat away at self-esteem, confidence, and quality of life. Long-distance Boyfriend Gives Silent Treatment | Relationship Talk LDR Silent Treatment - Tiny Buddha The Silent Treatment is not the "opposite of detachment". I won't play. Emotional withholding is a tactic favoured by narcissists and symbolises a dysfunctional … It’s a method of psychological punishment and manipulation we’ve all probably used or experienced at some point, whether we were aware of it or … Like wind chimes when one or two are not working if affects the rest. MORE: How You Can Deal With Any Tough Family Situation 5. That is impart because this article is poorly written. Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. The pain of estrangement is also intense, but it’s potentially an ache without a cure. - Reddit Here's what that looks like. It is selfish to not resolve issues for the sake of the others. Is this immature? A 28-year-old male asked: Is there are any memory eraser medicine that can erase all of memory specially bad memory in psychology.That can useful in pstd or OCD treatment … Very uncool. Instead of trying to oppose the two terms. I know it's hard being a single parent. I think this author is well informed and offers helpful insights. Refusing to listen, talk or respond to a partner is sometimes called “the silent treatment.” Many people cut off their partners emotionally to hurt, punish, or manipulate them. They just want to bully you into doing anything to get their attention. I've not figured out how to deal with this. The silent treatment can happen in romantic relationships or any type of relationship, including between parents and children, friends, and co-workers. Thus, while the silent treatment is often understood as a response to a specific behavior, estrangement may have the flavor of a mystery. I am not sure what is the best way to cut off a relationship with somebody. One can switch it up to real life examples, like some one asks the other person where the important paperwork is, but the other person says nothing. Posted Dec 20, 2013 . In other words, when a person gives you the silent treatment … Estrangement is a silent epidemic affecting all kinds of people. If self-improvement fails, see a professional therapist, because the silent … ... according to Psychology Today. SHARE. Behind the Silent Treatment | Psychology Today Behind the Silent Treatment Many people cut off their partners emotionally to hurt, punish, or manipulate them. Nope, not doing that (there are no major issues in the household either). The love that you feel for him will fade, and fade fast. I told him I was leaving. Both types of emotional cutoffs can destroy relationships. - Pretty common sense actually; EXAMPLE you get in a phone argument with an SO, the one stops talking to the other for some time = ST, then after make-up etc. The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse typically employed by people with narcissistic tendencies. Then he moved into another room saying he needs to study . To Estrange or Not to Estrange: Toxic Family Dynamics, Why Parental Estrangement Is Sometimes Unavoidable. It came from nowhere and left me completelt gutted. FROM BUSTLE Today, In this article, I’ll revel out some deep things about narcissist’s silent treatment, why they do it and most importantly, Do narcissists come back after silent treatment? The silent treatment often occurs between people who live together or see each other regularly. But the silent treatment is only one form of detaching. It hurts to give someone the silent treatment. If someone cuts off another person as punishment, it is the silent treatment, no matter how long it lasts. In my house. In contrast, while estrangement often feels punitive when you're on the receiving end, punishment is not necessarily the intent. I'm sad, but I don't have to walk on egg shells anymore and I don't have to give him room in my head without rent. There are situations when being silent means you deny that there’s a problem. Lately (this past year) he's started giving me the silent treatment. People who detach can give the silent treatment. They’ve been estranged for years.”. It estrangement, but it ’ s not around need from a distance, though of. Think the author and shame on whoever let this even be put in Psychology Today inflicting the silent plainly. ( really her whole life ) to discuss the issues in our relationship 're on the treatment/estrangement... 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